May 2013
1 post
Heres an example of how insane and dehumanizing the druglaws are in my country. If the police thinks you have red eyes and look under the influence, they can take you in randomly from the street and demand that you give them a urin sample, while guards are watching. Having a drug in your urine or blood is a criminal offense, even if the drug was taken days or weeks ago. You can lose your driving...
March 2013
2 posts
After two days of self love, peace and serenity, I talked to the first group again, and just feel like I’m back to being depressed again. Its that I’m putting myself into triggering situations. Reality, reality is that M is just not very empathetic. Should I stop going to this group? I like Tim though. Hes probably the only one that I really honestly like. At least now that hes going...
February 2013
1 post
“At night, I open the window and ask the moon to come and press its face against...”
– Rumi (via 190590)
January 2013
5 posts
“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you,...”
– Robert Tew (via alenadali)
Another 2 hours, lost. I’m not going to kick myself for it. I chose to do it. What needs was I trying to meet? Empathy, understanding, safety. What needs did I sacrifice? Self-respect, rest, presence, harmony, self-expression.
Now I have a need for mourning…..the loss of my time. Please give me a hug.
I told them that I really loved talking to them tonight….but I wish I had said more.
“I feel so excited to have this connection with you all. I feel so honored and grateful to have been here and that you have shared with me what is alive in you. You have no idea how much this means to me. I’m beginning to trust that I can be myself here. It is so special, so precious to me. I...
We are finite beings. I like to think sometimes that I may have found some ways of tweaking the formula, but still. How do I live the best life I can though? Pretend that it’ll all be back around again? Even if it does, why would I act differently next time? Or If I act as if this moment, will never come back again. Not this one. No such thing as passing the same river twice. What would I do...
kristmort:
I am a being of nature I am a piece of infinity and inconceivability I am a part of the universe that goes beyond mind I exist in this human body and I exist in the body of nature I am surrounded by myself and I am salvaged in the universe’s womb And in this place I am eternal
February 2012
19 posts
Going to a party, right now. Maybe I’ll see my co-worker there. I’m not sure what to say to her if I do. Do you hate your job yet, girl? Do you know? How do you feel?
But that’s not why I’m going there. I’m going there to have a good time and find out what has happened to music lately. To participate in this celebration. I want to be all there. I have to be all...
I don’t know what I’m doing! Did I say that? I make no sense. Not all the time. I guess it’s training. I’m sorry. I’ll probably make even less sense tomorrow. If I could just fall asleep again.
I really have to focus on other things for a while. They want to sell this small place and I have to try to find out if I can buy it at all.
I’m not going anywhere. It’s you and me, wall.
I hear him talking. About yachts, attic apartments, houses, houses in India. It would sound to some people like heaven, but for me it is pure hell. He won’t let me go. He promises me everything and he says that he loves me. I know this is Karma. I did this to myself for sure. To what degree I don’t know.
But this is why I...
No that makes sense. It does.
I never claimed I could do anything special .
I thought I could do this forever, maybe I’ll have to.
Maybe I’m going to have to throw everything at this wall.
Or this fire. Or whatever it is.
My head hurts really bad already.
I think it could become really bloody.
Question is if I can walk away from it.
I need some water.
Is this going to kill...
Listening to Jess Mills and Sebastian.
I also like this song by Sebastian called “Motor”. It’s basically a lot of motor noises, it’s awesome.
Here’s my gift to you.
The garden outside the house that I called my first real home, it was wild and magical. A gardener had planted it once, but then for decades hippies had lived there and they let it grow and now all the small stone paths were overgrown. The garden stretched all the way down to the water, but there was a fence just between us and the water. One third of the way up to...
Wow. Haha. This could be misinterpreted in so many different ways. I didn’t even see it. Enough of this, I’m going out.
Somehow, people don’t seem to be using this tumblr thing to just randomly write a bunch of crap.
Ok, I shouldn’t say crap. But random thoughts then. Everyone else seem so much more together. They’ve got pictures and quotes and what not. I just dump all the garbage that is in my brain.
It’s all right.
I’m not expecting anyone to read this anyway.
But what was the...
Ni hao
Mandarin.
Ni hao means “You good”.
Or hello.
zai jian.
good bye.
Or, “again see”.
“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that...”
– Terence McKenna (via 190590)
There is not so much I can do, that is not being a part of this human factory farm that is the world.
I’ve been thinking about getting a job in the elderly home nearby. Because I love being with elderly people and learn from them. I feel like I could really serve. And I would also feel like I’m honoring my Grandma with everything that I can do for them.
But how could I go there and...
Wow! I just made this body oil for myself. I just mixed some coconut oil (with the smell removed) with a couple of drops of Juniper essential oil.
This is heaven. I’ve been meaning to do this for a long time, but I had this strange fear that it would somehow be greasy on the body. It’s not at all.
My skin is drinking this stuff up as if it’s water to someone who’s been...
I wish for you to have someone there to hold you, to remind you of where you are. That is what I wish for you, in my heart, beautiful.
I remember lying there in the darkness, with your arms around me. The covers were sparkling, floating colors, rainbows floating in and out of the darkness, endless depth everywhere. You held me. We were quiet.
They were going through the house, one room at a time, starting with the kitchen. How did we get to my room? I don’t remember. No, right, we were in there when it started, you and me....
I feel like going out dancing this weekend.
